It opens: "I am so tired of reading unrealistic gourmet Thanksgiving menus full of complicated ingredients that take hours and hours to make…[And] frankly, I'm in no mood to carbo-load."
The solution? "Breathtakingly obvious. A Thanksgiving Day Juice Cleanse." My breath was taken, for sure.
Kamenetz then proceeds to outline various "juice substitutes" for classic Thanksgiving dishes. For example, a committed Thanksgiving juice-cleanser might swap out roasted turkey with a glass of Odwalla Chai Vanilla Protein Monster. Still too calorie-laden for you? Try canned turkey broth.
I'm pretty sure it's satire and/or the writer is trolling (and in that case, you're welcome), but some on Twitter seem to be convinced:
— Maccabee Montandon (@maccabeem) November 27, 2013