For someone who attends hordes of high profile events, poses topless for Terry Richardson, and has almost as many Instagram followers as Cara Delevingne, Miranda Kerr rarely does anything that warrants more than a flattering caption.
Sure, there was her high-profile divorce form Orlando Bloom last year. But she dealt with the affair in such a typically graceful, media-friendly manner that it appeared to rile no more than messing up the ratio of her morning acai smoothie. (Though, at $686 for the ingredients, that’s nothing to sweep under the rug.) She’s perfectly poised, mildly inspiring and a safe campaign choice for mainstream brands – at least that’s one theory as to why she keeps landing multi-million dollar contracts, despite her face looking the same in every picture.
Another celebrity who had the same perfect image until approximately 12.30 p.m. on Monday was Beyoncé. We know both women aren’t “real” – Miranda Kerr is 50% goji berries and Beyoncé requires 15 makeup looks to #wokeuplikedis — but both give us just enough supposedly candid Instagram selfies to make it at least possible to believe otherwise.
Then Monday and Tuesday happened. First Solangegate, then Miranda’s rumored billionaire boyfriend James Packer got into a punch-up with his childhood friend David Gyngell, allegedly over Packer’s treatment of his estranged wife. (Packer split from Erica Baxter in September 2013 and was rumored to be linked to Miranda Kerr as of December – thanks in part to an awkard Harper's Bazaar Australia headline.)
Gyngell’s wife, Leila McKimnon, wasted no time in taking to Twitter to compare the men’s fight with the elevator incident: “Ok so they’re much better dressed and a little more discreet but I feel a kinship with Beyonce, Solange, and Jay-Z today,” she tweeted on Monday. But if any third party got caught up in the brawl, it was Miranda, not her. Her pop cultural star power comes nowhere near that of Beyoncé’s, hence the incident wasn’t widely publicized, given the circumstances. But it’s still far more interesting than what she wore to the Swarovski event that night. People live to see celebrities exposed as humans, whether they're tripping up stairs at the Oscars, being exposed for affairs, or apparently Photoshopping their selfies. (Something both Beyoncé and Miranda have been accused of in their quests for perfection.) If there's one thing we love more than seeing a celebrity looking perfect, it's seeing them being brought down.
The difference, though, is that Solangegate felt like doomsday. Miranda inspiring a streetside brawl just makes her slightly more interesting in a Jennifer Lawrence vomiting at Madonna’s Oscars party way. Is it wrong to want more of this? It definitely makes me more interested in reading subsequent Miranda headlines.