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Fashion Bloggers, Episode 3 Recap: #FoodPorn, Semi-Nude Cover Shoots and Crowning Ceremonies

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“Show Pony” was the title of the latest froth-worthy episode of Fashion Bloggers, which aired last night. Round three was all about horsin’ around in the bizarre alternate universe occupied by blog trotters Sara Donaldson, Margaret Zhang, Zanita Whittington, Kate Waterhouse and Amanda Shadforth. It was totes amazeballs, and we’re champing at the bit to relive another glorious 30 minutes with you.

Although there’s substantial evidence to suggest these girls are more than comfortable being the centre of attention, the ladies kicked off this week’s episode by trying to convince us that they aren’t fixated on the spotlight.

Margaret Zhang Fashion Bloggers

“I don’t think I relate too much to being a show pony,” said Margaret, being interviewed for the reality show she stars in. Which is all about her blog. Which is all about her.

Sara also claimed she doesn’t like being in the spotlight all of the time, and struggles to be in love with herself 24/7, regardless of what her selfies say.

“If you’re not feeling great about yourself, it’s really hard to then convey to your followers that I’m a happy person and you should buy what I’m wearing,” Sara said, inexplicably revealing her secret identity as a shady marketing weapon. Keep it under your hat, Sara.

It’s not just Sara coaxing us into “timeless” monochromatic purchases. She’s got a whole team, including assistant Georgia and manager Kate, and together they work to empty our bank accounts. Just quietly, we blame her dog, Bundy, for peering at us with those bloody puppy dog eyes. Gets us every time.

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Shut UP, Bundy. You’ve already got our money.

Sara isn’t oblivious to Bundy’s powers either, dragging him and her assistant along to “work”. “I might actually go and take Bundy for a walk, and if you could take a photo of me for Instagram that would be awesome,” Sara coyly ordered super-sweet assistant Georgia.

They struggled to get Bundy, who may or may not have been named after an alcoholic drink, to smile for the camera. “Get it together, Bundy, you animal,” Sara thought, probably, gazing into Bundy’s eyes for a spot-on photo sure to garner all the double taps.

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Meanwhile, Margaret was using her big ol’ brain, running a seminar type situation for Social Media Week at the University of Sydney. She tried to get the audience to listen, but they were too busy being fan girls and taking pictures because MARGARET ZHANG YOU GUYS #socialmedia. Really, what would you expect?

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Then Margaret hoofed it over to Renegade Collective magazine to meet the other show ponies. At least there was a legit reason for editor Lisa Messenger to take a photo of them there. The bloggers were all pretty happy as they saddled up for their cover shoot, but nearly bolted from the stable when Lisa slipped the minor detail that they wouldn’t actually be wearing clothes for the shot.

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Body language!

Um, no clothes? Lisa, have you lost your MIND? These girls love the clothes, they breathe the clothes, they are the clothes. They got over it, though, probably when they realised the clothes would be drawn onto them later, and stripped down to nude-coloured underwear.

Off we cantered with Kate. She’s been deemed a spring racing icon because she was born into a family of horse breeders. For the lead up to spring racing season, she hooked up with Nerida Winter’s hat house, trying on the same headwear Nicole Richie wore in ELLE’s July 2014 issue.

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“Has this been on Nicole Richie’s head?” Kate asked, acknowledging the more prominent celebrities of this world. Nerida clearly doesn’t see the world in different shades of fame, though. When Kate told her she’d invited the other bloggers to the upcoming race at Royal Randwick she nearly exploded, because coveraaaage. “Oh, my god! No way!” Nerida gushed. Yes way, Nerida. Yes way.

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Zanita was busy formulating publicity for a brand of a different colour as she romantically wined and dined Christian Dior’s PR and communications executive, Justine Le Bars, from New York. They talked about beau-tay, which was fab for Zanita as she really wants to incorporate more beau-tay into her blog.

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Not the worst idea.

“I love beauty, but I’m just shit at it,” Zanita whinnied. But because she was eating out with a Dior girl, she had a groundbreaking idea. She could do a food insty, with makeup! What a fabulous fusion! We don’t know how we hadn’t though of it before!

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#STILLSHITATBEAUTY

Then the pair clinked glasses to an awesome food-and-beauty flat lay, and awaited another cavalcade of double taps.

Over to bigger and better news. That collaboration between Sara and Tony Bianco has produced a tangible OMG product. Manager Kate handed over the shoe boxes to Sara, who made no attempt to calm her farm upon meeting her new babies.

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“Just holding them for the first time with my name on them, I couldn’t stop smiling,” she gushed, despite the shoes being labelled with her blog’s name and not her own name. Are you gonna call your real kids Harper and Harley too, Sara? Oh, wait. You already stole those names from your potential children. So this must almost be what giving birth to twins feels like, huh?

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Tiny, leathery, grey twins.

She then offered up some wisdom with another amazing display of shoe-related jargon. “Finally worked out how to do the knot thing!” Thanks, Mum.

There was more, though, and this second set are destined for greatness, apparently. “These are going to be cult,” she enthused, pulling a pair of #musthaveslides from the box. “Every girl’s going to have these.”

Manager Kate responded the best way she knew how. “You designed a cult shoe.” Because why even have a manager if they’re not going to agree with everything you say, right?

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The girls finally came together at the end of the episode, meeting at Royal Randwick for race day. Kate hosted some kind of weird crowning ceremony, awarding each blogger with race headwear to represent their own totally unique style.

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Coincidentally, every head piece matched their outfits perfectly. Almost like it was planned?

Kate zipped over to her hubby for a quick chat about the gals. “The girls like their hats, thank God,” she told him. “Oh, did they?” he asked, trying to show some remote interest in her blogging life. “Well doooooonnnneee.”

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I’m going over here now.”

Amanda missed out on race day for unspecified reasons, but she got a small slice of air time this episode as she undertook a totally edgy, industrial shoot with semi-bogan, semi-hot photographer Nat Lanyon. His semi-bogan, semi-hot stubbly Ray Ban’d face was definitely the most exciting thing about the scene.

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Much fashion. Little time. Until next time, blogettes.

Fashion Bloggers airs Wednesdays at 8.30pm, on The Style Network.